The Stall Times Reader
Ross Palfreyman
The Stall Times Reader is a monthly discussion platform designed to help people communicate through thoughtful conversation. Members receive curated topics that encourage reading, listening, absorbing, processing, and respectfully sharing ideas with others.
Access member-only content and follow Ross’s latest thinking.
Become a member to unlock Ross H. Palfreyman’s exclusive essays, reflections, and deeper insights designed to challenge how you think and see the world.
The Stall Times Reader
Ross H. Palfreyman is an author and thinker (a couple of my children prefer the word “visionary” here…and not necessarily in a positive sense) dedicated to exploring ideas that inspire deeper reflection and meaningful conversation. Through his writing, Ross encourages readers to slow down, challenge perspectives, and engage with the world through the simple philosophy of Read. Listen. Absorb. Process. Share.
Differing opinions are now used as justification for severing otherwise intact, valuable relationships. Friends are cut off and families are ripped apart by parents disowning children or children cutting their parents off from contact with grandchildren. Is this ok? Obviously not. In the short term, avoiding differing opinions may give a sense of relief. But in the long run, that can’t be right. What are we giving up? In the book, “Joy In The Brambles”, caring, compassion and charity are the steps that lead to joy. When we estrange ourselves from friends and family, we unnecessarily limit our access to joy. If that’s not enough, how much knowledge and perspective do we lose by failing to consider differing opinions? We can do better. We need to practice how to read, listen, absorb, process and only then respond respectfully.
Thestalltimesreader.com has been created for all of us to practice reading, listening, absorbing, processing and then responding respectfully to varied topics of interest. A monthly post, sometimes political, sometimes religious, other times social, will be posted for members to read, absorb, process and then discuss. Whether you participate in a reading group, family dinner, fishing excursion, quilting group, letter/email or meet and greet, the topics will give you a subject to address in a somewhat controlled context. This can be done face-to-face, by phone, zoom or any other way you want. Each group should formulate their own rules of engagement. A suggested format is:
01
First to share thoughts gets up to three minutes totally uninterrupted;
02
Thirty seconds of silence for reflection should follow the first comments.
03
Responding comments should last approximately one minute.
04
Response should include at least one point of acknowledgement/agreement to the original comment.
The point of this exercise is to practice connecting respectfully. Nobody knows everything. Everybody has unique life experiences that color perspectives and world views. To learn from each other we need to be able to listen and draw people’s thoughts and knowledge out. As a litigation attorney for 45 years, I made literally thousands of court appearances and took thousands of depositions. Judges appreciated that I listened to their concerns and responded to those concerns directly. Judges were helpful. Deponents had information that I needed. I learned that by listening and processing their answers to my prepared questions, I could formulate follow-up questions that produced significant facts that I could not have procured via my prepared questions alone. Finally, in resolving matters, I found that what I originally thought my opposition wanted was not always what would ultimately resolve the case. Listening carefully to what the opposition’s goals were, I could often fashion a resolution that was favorable to my client while satisfying my opposition’s concerns. Sometimes, the resolution that the opposition agreed to wasn’t even what the opposition’s focus was originally on.
Stephen R. Covey once remarked that: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. Let’s work together to change that. The Greek philosopher, Zeno of Citium pointed us in the right direction by observing that: “We have two ears and one mouth so we should listen more than we say”. Let’s learn to listen to understand rather than to argue. We can take our inspiration from former Supreme Court Justices, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia. At opposite ends of the political spectrum, yet the best of friends, Scalia explained: “I attack ideas. I don’t attack people. Some very good people have very bad ideas”. Ginsburg mirrored the thought at Scalia’s funeral by explaining that:
“We were different yes, in our interpretation of written texts, yet one in our reverence for the court and its place in the U.S. system of governance”
Instead of avoiding difficult topics let’s learn to respectfully discuss the matters of the day and of the heart. Join us here at the Stalltimesreader.com where important topics are presented in a way that allows for meaningful interaction. Here goes your text … Select any part of your text to access the formatting toolbar.
Sample Posts
Each Post will have its own direction and focus. Sometimes a current event, sometimes a religious or
political topic and sometimes we’ll present a social or personal matter that may impact our daily
routine. Below are two examples of posts that will appear monthly for your consideration and hopeful
discussion with friends, family, book clubs, discussion groups, podcast sites, etc. A comment section is
also included for your direct participation whether on the topic itself or suggestions for future topics.
Sample #1:
From god or from government…the question of whether our fundamental rights come from government or from God has shaped political and moral philosophy for centuries in the Judeo-Christian world..
Sample #2:
So sometimes I am known to be rather absent-minded. This past week, I was preoccupied by
several matters when some totally unanticipated bad news struck me by surprise.