The Stall Times Reader
What Is The Stall Times Reader?
This months post
“Abortion—Can We At Least Get The Labels Right?”
Next months post
“My friend Dana.”
We are all social animals with the shared need for respectful communications in order to learn and grow. Instead of conflicting and adversarial interactions that are tearing families apart and alienating friendships The Stall Times Reader creates opportunities to learn (or relearn) how to respectfully talk to each other.
The goal is to go from this:
To this.
Through simple monthly posts The Stall Times Reader provides topics to read and reflect upon, preparing for meaningful conversations. Through his writing, Ross encourages readers to slow down, challenge perspectives, and engage with the world through the simple philosophy of Read. Listen. Absorb. Process. Share.
How it Works
Thestalltimesreader.com has been created for all of us to practice reading, listening, absorbing, processing and then responding respectfully to varied topics of interest. A monthly post, sometimes political, sometimes religious, other times social, will be posted for members to read, absorb, process and then discuss. Whether you participate in a reading group, family dinner, fishing excursion, quilting group, letter/email or meet and greet, the topics will give you a subject to address in a somewhat controlled context. This can be done face-to-face, by phone, zoom or any other way you want. Each group should formulate their own rules of engagement. A suggested format is:
01
First to share thoughts gets up to seven minutes totally uninterrupted;
02
Thirty seconds of silence for reflection should follow the first comments.
03
Responding comments should last approximately three minutes.
04
Response should include at least one point of acknowledgement/agreement to the original comment.
Why We Need It
Differing opinions are now used as justification for severing otherwise intact, valuable relationships. Friends are cut off and families are ripped apart by parents disowning children or children cutting their parents off from contact with grandchildren. Is this ok? Obviously not. In the short term, avoiding differing opinions may give a sense of relief. But in the long run, that can’t be right. What are we giving up? In the book, “Joy In The Brambles”, caring, compassion and charity are the steps that lead to joy. When we estrange ourselves from friends and family, we unnecessarily limit our access to joy. If that’s not enough, how much knowledge and perspective do we lose by failing to consider differing opinions? We can do better. We need to practice how to read, listen, absorb, process and only then respond respectfully.
The point of this exercise is to practice connecting respectfully. Nobody knows everything. Everybody has unique life experiences that color perspectives and world views. To learn from each other we need to be able to listen and draw people’s thoughts and knowledge out. As a litigation attorney for 45 years, I made literally thousands of court appearances and took thousands of depositions. Judges appreciated that I listened to their concerns and responded to those concerns directly. Judges were helpful. Deponents had information that I needed. I learned that by listening and processing their answers to my prepared questions, I could formulate follow-up questions that produced significant facts that I could not have procured via my prepared questions alone. Finally, in resolving matters, I found that what I originally thought my opposition wanted was not always what would ultimately resolve the case. Listening carefully to what the opposition’s goals were, I could often fashion a resolution that was favorable to my client while satisfying my opposition’s concerns. Sometimes, the resolution that the opposition agreed to wasn’t even what the opposition’s focus was originally on.
Stephen R. Covey once remarked that: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”. Let’s work together to change that. The Greek philosopher, Zeno of Citium pointed us in the right direction by observing that: “We have two ears and one mouth so we should listen more than we say”. Let’s learn to listen to understand rather than to argue. We can take our inspiration from former Supreme Court Justices, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia. At opposite ends of the political spectrum, they were the best of friends.
Scalia explained:
“I attack ideas. I don’t attack people. Some very good people have very bad ideas”.
Ginsburg mirrored the thought at Scalia’s funeral by explaining that:
“We were different yes, in our interpretation of written texts, yet one in our reverence for the court and its place in the U.S. system of governance”
Instead of avoiding difficult topics let’s learn to respectfully discuss the matters of the day and of the heart. Join us here at the Stalltimesreader.com where important topics are presented in a way that allows for meaningful interaction. Here goes your text … Select any part of your text to access the formatting toolbar.
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Sample Posts
Each Post will have its own direction and focus. Sometimes a current event, sometimes a religious or
political topic and sometimes we’ll present a social or personal matter that may impact our daily
routine. Below are two examples of posts that will appear monthly for your consideration and hopeful
discussion with friends, family, book clubs, discussion groups, podcast sites, etc. A comment section is
also included for your direct participation whether on the topic itself or suggestions for future topics.
Sample #1:
From god or from government…the question of whether our fundamental rights come from government or from God has shaped political and moral philosophy for centuries in the Judeo-Christian world..
Sample #2:
So sometimes I am known to be rather absent-minded. This past week, I was preoccupied by
several matters when some totally unanticipated bad news struck me by surprise.